mock

Should I stage a mock funeral?  Would that make me feel better? It's different when someone dies, there's that awful final thud of dirt on the coffin, there's a real goodbye.  Perhaps that was part of my shock at seeing him again, as if he were a sort of zombie resurrection: he was supposed to have died in relation to me, but he didn't, there he was... with her... a sort of worst-nightmare scenario. My love turned monster: living dead. So do I need some kind of elaborate ritual? Do I need to burn or bury something?  Or is it enough that I just keep rending my garments and beating my breast here in public? Wanting to release loud mooing howls still.  "Just wash your hands of it," a friend said.  Easier said than done. Sorry if you're sick of this. No one is sicker of it than me, believe me. I sit still, leaden, heavy, staring at the screen, mouth corners down, body filled with a hurtling miasma.