can you live with that

I think only one thought conclusively, I love
you, I totally want you Nada Gordon, it's kinda unconscionable, don't you
think, like where's my real life, don't I have other things to do but write
you, where otherwise might my energy go, I could be working on a new
cartoon, getting a better job, I could be picking out my new wardrobe, I
could be making new friends, I could be doing anything, but no, no, here I
am, Friday night, do you know how late it is? it's 3:16 a.m., I write you
because it's the only way I know how to prove my devotion, & it's more than
that, I'd rather write you than do anything else, even though I know I'll
die someday and you'll die someday, we'll both die, and then where will we
be, it doesn't matter, the truth is if we fuck this up we're gonna haunt
each other endlessly, do you want that, can you live with that, I can't...

Gary Sullivan, Swoon, p. 222