dream

dream that I have made plans to meet someone I have met online… I go to a party where I am supposed to meet him, but bring Gary, who in real life still is after all my husband, along to the party.  In the picture the date looks very nice, he describes himself as skinny.   I get to the party and the guy shows up, but he looks very different from the picture, he has a kind of grizzled red beard, and manboobs, and he’s much fatter and much older. Obviously his photo was massively photoshopped.  I say hello but kind of avoid him.  In another scene, I and Gary and maybe Rod Smith and some other poets are hanging out outside the party.  A group of middle aged women come to talk to us for some reason..  I don’t remember what we were talking about, except that I was relating the story of my blind date, and the women were listening intently.  Later I find out that one of the women is the wife of the man I had made plans to meet. This comes out later in the dream when I confront the man and tell him I am not interested in him. I think I yell at him. I tell him I am not attracted to him.  He puts his cheek to mine and it is very smooth, and he whispers in my ear, “yes you are.” Then there is some scene between me and Gary, and Rattana is there, too.  Or no maybe first Toni in the dream is telling me about the virtues of Rattana that Gary had told her, that she was so sexy, and that she could come and come with lots of spaces in between, and that she had “special skills” besides, and sometimes she would go away and sometimes she would come back.  Gary seems in the dream to have a strange attitude toward her, entirely physical.  So then it is me and Gary and Rattana in the dream.  I start having sex with her, in lots of different ways.  She is only responsive when I start to play with her breasts, and then she starts going wild.  But she is a non-person, she doesn’t speak, she is a quiet object.  All in all it is a weird scene, and Gary and I argue about something.  Then I am in a misty urban park.  I agree to ride in a horse carriage around the park, in the mist.  There was probably something else in a foreign city before that but I don’t remember.  The carriage driver is giving me advice.  I don’t remember the advice.  But later when it comes time to pay I pay in chapbooks and bracelets.  There is some dispute regarding the payment. Then I am in a hospital.  Something has happened to me and I have collapsed and am lying down on a hospital bed or stretcher. I don’t remember why. With me is the deceptive date from the party, except that he has morphed into someone I actually know.  The nurses, who are young and pretty and wearing only bras and panties, tell him that it is his job to dress me. I suppose I am naked.  He dresses me very nicely. Again he puts his cheek to mine, and says something about how he hopes I will… I don’t remember.  Then for some reason I am with my mother and several other women.  I am wearing a vintage shirtdress with a scene of a city on it.  The dress is the topic of conversation.  Then I am in the corner of a room lying on the floor with my feet pointing out diagonally towards the room’s center.  I think my mom is there. My hands are clasped behind my head.  I am singing something with great concentration, to the point that I don’t even realize that I am singing.