today

I took my last dose of Effexor today. I feel free. There has been a weird side effect over the course of the discontinuation...moments of buzzing vertigo, with a strange tapping sound in my head, and a rush of numbness around my lips and the lower part of my face; this has been happening when I am tired or if I move my head or eyes too suddenly. Sometimes I have to steady myself a little. It hasn't been too bad, though; I have read many horror stories online, about zaps and tinnitus and the like.

I've had a couple of bouts of tearfulness I've been grateful for since going off this drug is a little like unwrapping oneself from a thick, muffly blanket. The tearfulness is a sign my emotions are back, and so are my... appetites.

When life is good, it is so very good indeed, I was just saying to Sharon this afternoon. I feel almost strident with happiness, having learned at least temporarily how to free myself from sorrow. It certainly took a lot of effort.

Tomorrow I am planning a trip to the beach, with a vegan picnic and a beautiful genius in tow. I bought suntan oil. Suntan oil? Do people still use that stuff? I like the smell and I want to darken myself a little.

I am marinating tempeh in soy sauce and agave and ancho chile powder and paprika. Will this actually be good? In a sandwich? A TLT? It sounds good, but I don't know. Should I put tomato paste in the marinade too?

Sometimes I rub the scar on my chin as a reminder of all sorts of things. What to do, what not to do.

I am going to write lots of words on a dress. What kinds of words should I write?

(Nemo is sleeping on my inkjet printer under the lamp and dreaming, his paws and eyebrows twitching wildly.)